This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
