He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
