He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
