he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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