In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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