The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
