Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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