you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
