Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
