the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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