The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
