So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Holy sore nipples Batman
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
