After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
