What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
