It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
