I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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