Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
