Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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