I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
