Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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