Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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