My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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