i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It's rum buckets o'clock
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
