ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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