so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Randomize
