i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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