Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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