I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
