when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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