You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
