I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize