What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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