i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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