Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
