I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
