Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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