But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
