make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
