In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
