I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
