i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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