i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I need to stop coming to work sober
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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