I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
