I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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