butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
