this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
