I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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