If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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