On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
pray to the hookup gods
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
