i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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