Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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