fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
