Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
