What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
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