i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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