she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
