the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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