The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
