i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
