would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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