Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
