I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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