I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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