he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
