She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
