I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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