I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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