It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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