Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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