yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
