just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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