And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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