based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
