wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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