I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
