No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize