He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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