That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
